The Setup

It gets tiresome being the odd one out. It's something you get used to when all your cousins are girls and you're the only boy around. In the summer of 2003, I took a trip to Korea with my sister and my mom. While we were there, all the women in my family decided to go on a trip to Thailand. I was asked if I wanted to go, and I said no becuase I didn't feel like being stuck with a bunch of women with no other male to keep me company. However, they wouldn't take no for an answer; I was forced against my will. So, it came to be that I would journey to Thailand with my sister, my mom, 4 aunts, and 6 of my girl cousins.

The Situation

The thing about women is (well, at least in my family) they expect men to be able to completely take care of themselves. That combined with the fact that it is easy to lose track of 1 out of 13 people, is what allowed for the following situation. It was a long day of touring and we were headed home from Bangkok back to hotel for the night. Being completely exhausted, I fell asleep.
I don't know how long I was out, but I was awakened by a woman I did not recognize. I looked around and realized, there was no one else on the bus, and I was nowhere near the hotel. Although I didn't understand what this strange woman was saying, I could tell by her body language and hand gestures that she was asking for money. Questions ran through my mind. Who is this woman and why is she asking me for money? What had I gotten myself into? What happened while I was asleep? Where is the rest of my family? Where am I? So, it came to be that I was lost in Thailand.

The Story

I'm going to take a little detour to explain what had happened between the time I fell asleep and was shockingly woken up by a stranger.
We had arrived at the hotel, and everyone, including my mother who was sitting next to me got off the bus, leaving me behind. They hadn't realized I was still on the bus and was missing from the group. I guess they were having too much womanly fun to notice my existence. They hadn't realized this for half an hour. Let me repeat, half an hour. At that point, my mother called the tour guide, who called the bus driver to see if I was still on the bus. So, continues the story.

The Solution

She kept asking me for money. I kept telling her that I didn't have any. I truly didn't. I was only 13 years old at the time. She got a bit annoyed and started arguing with someone behind her. I tried to see who it was, and to my relief it was a friendly face, a male face. It was the bus driver. This woman must have been his wife. Again, I didn't know the language, but I could figure out what was going on. He was telling his wife to stop asking me for money. She was asking me for money because someone needed to pay for a taxi to take me back to the hotel. How far out was I exactly? It's as if the bus driver understood my pain of having to travel as the only man with 12 women, and he was taking pity on me. I needed some pity. He sent his wife off the bus and told me to come with him. I followed and he took me to someone on a motorcycle. It was hard to tell if that someone was a man or a woman. They were one of those people that are so large it becomes hard to tell without some thorough examination. I'm pretty sure she was a very "voluptous" woman. The bus driver spoke to her and gave her some money. He motioned for me to get on. He had just paid for a taxi ride. You see, taxis in Thailand are all small motorcycles. I hopped on as instructed, and we were off. So, it came to be that I might be saved from this strange night.

The Scare

Something you need to know about me at that time was that I, too, was quite a "voluptuous" person at that time. And trying to fit "voluptuous" people on one tiny little motorcycle is a very difficult thing to do, and we weren't doing that well. My butt was hanging at least half off the bike seat. I was grabbing onto the driver whereever I could, hanging on for my dear life as we made tight turns and swerved to avoid hitting the many stray dogs that wandered the streets of Thailand. There were a few times I nearly fell off. How glad I was to see the bright light of the hotel in the distance. We approached the gates and the taxi ride from hell was over. The driver and I didn't exhange any words. I got off the motorcylce and I walked through the gates. So, it came to be that I escaped death for the time being.

The Sucker

No one was waiting for me at the gate. I thought there would be someone there to make sure I was OK. I thought there might be a celebration that I had returned unharmed, but no such thing. Only the sound of crickets. It was pretty late, so maybe everyone was asleep. I decided to try to find my hotel room. To do so I had to traverse the shopping center area of the hotel. As I was doing so, I spotted out of the corner of my eye someone who looked very much like my mother. I did a double-take. It was indeed my mother, and she was in one of the stores looking at shoes. Not frantically, maybe as if she were trying to find the best pair to come running after me. No, just slowly browsing the selection. She didn't see me. I started my way towards her. She kept looking at the shoes, deciding which ones she might look best in. I was about halfway there. She kept browsing. I got right behind her. She finally noticed. She turns around and sees me. She's about to say something. I'm thinking she's going to check up on me, ask me if I'm OK, if I was scared, etc. "Will you buy me some shoes?" she asks. In my moment of disbelief, I say, "OK". So, it came to be that I became a sucker as the one man on a trip full of women.