The planet's most dangerous highly-intelligent combatant, Perfect Cell, has invited fighters from across the globe to participate in a tournament to decide the fate of the world. A superior being lifeform created by Dr. Gero, Perfect Cell is a master of all forms of martial arts and is always up for a challenge. The event , titled after its' proud founder, will be known as The Cell Games and is rumored to have fighters from UFC, Bellator, WWE, and other organizations engaging in battle.
The Cell Games will be streamed online and provided via pay-per-view (40£ or $50 locally) on most major carriers. Cell Jr's will be out in full force to stop pirating so beware. Challengers can win by ring-out, knockout, or submission. The path to victory is simply defeat Cell, earth wins.
Long-time saviors of the planet are no where to be seen as the possible final days draw near.
Krypton's prodigal son, Superman, has remained relatively low-key since the Batman v. Superman debacle leaving some to question if Rotten Tomatoes was able to do the one thing Lex Luthor could not do. Defeat the man of steel.
The Avengers stated they could not participate in any outside conflicts due to an iron-clad contract that only allows them to fight in summer blockbusters. Goku, one of earth's finest fighters, appears to be sitting this one out as well as reporters saw him fly off with a cat-like figure and a blue man who resembled a tall smurf. His last words to the hopeful press before leaving was, "I'm going to let Yamcha handle this."
Yamcha, a former desert bandit, now spends the majority of his time with online dating often pretending to be Goku. Per
his bio he was taught by Master Roshi and King Kai. His online profiles go on to set the record straight claiming that he had NEVER been
defeated by a two foot green alien before and he asserts that the world famous image of him lying unconcious in a crater is simply a hack
photo shop job. No major wins have ever been recorded by this fighter but Yamcha is confident going into the battle.
The master of the Wolf Fang Fist is seemingly the earth's last hope.
When the Shenron Tribune attempted to reach out to Cell on Yamcha being the savior his publicist responded "Cell will let you know his thoughts once he stops laughing." Shenron save us all. The Cell Games will occur on 8/21.
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Launch has been writing for the Shenron Tribune for 30 years. She so mean though!